LYNDA DAY ABDUCTED BY ALIENS! #PGat35
Documents released this week, which have been sealed for 35 years in the interests of National Security, have finally confirmed the truth: there is not one single shred of proof that Lynda Day was not abducted by aliens for more than a week in the spring of 1989.
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE NORBRIDGE KIND
Although the authorities did their best to bury the story at the time, The GAZ is at last able to reveal the shocking and quite frankly unbelievable truth: that Lynda Day was spirited away from Norbridge as part of a fiendish alien plot, and was subsequently subjected to a complex, mysterious and exhaustive battery of retail therapy experiments. We have recently learned from an eye-witness source close to Ms Day that the entire contents of her wardrobe was simultaneously transported away for sartorial spectrographic analysis.
ALIENS STOLE ALL HER CLOTHES
History lovers will recall that Lynda subsequently staged a miraculous and daring escape, and returned quite unexpectedly to the newsroom, where ever-generous proprietor of The GAZ threw an impromptu party in order to celebrate her safe return, with Quilla provided for everyone at the heavily-discounted rate of just 29p per unit.
ALIEN PROBE
Press Gang @ 35 